There will be no brother

When Lukyan was just a little over his first birthday, as a complete surprise to us we made a decision to move from London to Cologne. When Lukyan was a little older than three, already pre-planned we moved to Saint Petersburg. When Lukyan was almost five, yet again, and just as turbulently, we moved to Riga. 

Lukyan was growing up. He kept outgrowing his clothes. Toys were replaced with new ones. Furniture had been adapted according to age. And everything which he continued to grow out of was carefully packed, moved along with us to a new country, and stored away. 

For the first couple of years, there was no mentioning of a 'little brother'. Lukyan played a magnificent role of replacing a bunch of little brothers and sisters. Time passed and we started to talk. We decided that, yes, we want a big family, and that 'a little brother' should be a good idea. And a little sister, too. But not now. Let's just deal with this thing here first, and then do that thing there. And then we can try for that 'little brother' and then maybe another. And another. Well, you never know.   

We resolved some problems here, and dealt with some issues there. Problems kept piling on, list of 'things to do' just kept on adding. Lukyan's question about a little brother came with an accelerating frequency. We waited no longer. 

Three more years had passed. We learnt a lot. Knowledge of questionable necessity. We learnt everything about IUI and ICSI. Studied human anatomy inside out. Taught ourselves not to take it to heart in case of a failure and to carry on. And we did carry on. And we did take it to heart.             

But the crucial thing we learnt was to see new life as a miracle. Not just something granted, but a true miracle. And success. And victory.    

Lukyan's things are still in the storage room, but already FOR SALE. 


images by Al Lapkovsky